Review of 21 days in heels
Fear of being perceived is one of my bigger fears and this project made great strides towards overcoming it. Well not great strides, but small little steps you can take in heels.
Key findings:
- walking is slow, I need to reserve time, cobblestones are scary
None of the heels I chose were impossibly high, but nevertheless, I needed to walk much slower than normally. Being mindful about this was helpful as it easier to walk slow and relax into it, when there is no hurry and ample time to walk slowly. I’ve also heard that slowing down and doing things slowly is good for relaxing the nervous system.
I guess my walking in heels technique is ok at this point in my life, as I didn’t see as that as a major concern point. Still, I was more cautious about falling on my face than in flat shoes. There aren’t that many gobble stones around me, but enough for me to be annoyed by them. The best place to wear heels is at work, as there is a lot of sitting, even surfaces, and a leisurely walking pace is expected.
- slow walking makes me more self-aware, this used to scare the crap out of me before
This did trip me up a bit in the beginning. Initially, the forced slowing down made me so aware of myself and of the fact that I was doing something unusual, in public, slowly. All the while being really tall. Historically, my feeling of being perceived is tied to locations; in some places, it feels less daunting than in others. I’ve noticed that it alters my behaviour in a way I wish it didn’t, so I’ve taken it rather seriously to overcome it. I’ve done some mental exercises of imagining myself being perceived, and it feeling safe and ok. I did this back when I started wearing a fur coat, which I had redesigned myself from thrifted vintage coats. I knew I had made ethical choices, but to an innocent bystander, it could have appeared as if I had no concern for anyone else’s well-being. In the beginning, it was difficult to accept, but I wanted to wear that coat.
Because of the above, it makes me more susceptible to feelings of being perceived. Emphasis on the feeling, none of that is necessarily reality. Wearing something that you feel works is extra important.
- I need to rethink my wardrobe
I find wide pants fit strange if I have heels on. I like them to puddle, which is a much longer version of pants that “break”. One morning, though, when I was getting dressed, I remembered that I could try to attach the hem somehow. I’m sure others have done this too, but I started doing this after one Bottega season had the sandals that wrapped around the ankles, fastening the pants at the ankle. I can’t believe I had forgotten that. Wearing my shoes and pants like that always made me feel kinda fashion-victimy, but it feels easier now that the peak of that trend has passed. None of these shoes have any kind of straps, so I’ll need to find a separate fasting device.
- no outerwear works, but this could be tackled maybe with better planning
Another thing I noticed is that I feel kinda awkward in all my outerwear now. When I’ve bought them, or made them, I’ve only imagined a life in flats. Although I do love a Bottega sandals and trench look. I might try it. But that is another thing. Fashion imagery and reality are not too often closely linked. If it’s warm enough to wear open-toe sandals, I’d feel like an absolute moron butting on a trench coat. I debated the trench this morning. But mine is long and oversized, and somehow it looked visually too heavy with these shoes. The Lidos have a higher heel, so I will try that.
- all comments are strange when you are already uncomfortable
I’ve got some compliments on my shoes and comments about how tall I am. This is also an interesting human experiment on my ability to receive compliments and deflect any negative feedback. I am tall, there is no denying that, even taller with heels. When I was much younger, these types of comments made me not want to wear heels, because they made my fears visible: people look at me. I’ve noticed now that they actually don’t look that much, and they might look regardless of what I wear. Do I want to make myself small because of that and then regret on my deathbed that I should have worn what I wanted? Well, I’ve already done that for years, so I’m not doing that anymore.
- Safe options for when I inevitably want to hide and quit
I’m glad I started this on the weekend when I was rested, so when I was tired, it wasn’t that shocking, that I needed to wear heels. That inevitably comes with the notion of looking put together and being perceived. You can’t hide in a hoodie when you have heels on. At least I at 178cm can’t. Although I guess the underlying point of this exercise is that wearing heels would turn into so effortless that I could hide in a hoodie in heels.
The easy option, in terms of comfort, would have been to wear the Tabis. But I’m not that desperate yet. I could wear whatever in my office, so this mainly comes down to how I want to think about myself and my wanting to wear clothes in my wardrobe evenly. Which means wearing also the more presentable things. My go-to work outfit outside this project is white sneakers, wide tailored pants, some kind of knitwear, almost ankle length outerwear. This works three seasons of the year.
-physical pain/mental pain
The shoes themselves didn’t cause any foot pain, but a different walking position eventually did. I felt like I needed to be “on” all the time when I wore heels, which always feels like a bit of an effort. In order to cope with that, I found I needed to take extra good care of my body: workout, stretch, rest. On the mornings when I didn’t feel like being “on”, having any kind of physical pain would have made me want to quit.
Depending on my work situations, I sometimes like to be extra comfortable. If I’m doing something mentally straining, I don’t have the capacity to facilitate uncomfortable clothing. This made me need to get much more acquainted with my clothes, to achieve outfits that are both comfortable and with heels.
Closing words:
I experienced extreme feelings of confidence during the first week (might be follicular phase) or the combination of wearing clothes I love, but was scared to wear before, walking slowly and being ok with being perceived.
I’m able to walk longer distances in heels; they don’t feel scary any more.
Most importantly, I have a lot better understanding of my clothes and what they can do. A more holistic view of my style, if you may. Incorporating a dressed-up element, like heels, allows the rest of the outfit to be more laid-back. Having this new way of varying outfits was a welcome addition.